Inside The Heart
by Arianator17
Summary: Jade is very confident with who she is. However, during the Hollywood Arts summer production of Les Miserables, Jade begins to become confused with who she is and soon figures out why crazy thoughts have been swirling through her mind. But does her Christian mother aprove of these thoughts?
1. Chapter 1: The Role Of Eponine

**A/N: Hey guys! New story :) Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Victorious = not mine. I also do not own '**_**Les Miserables'.**_

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**CHAPTER 1: The Role of Eponine**

Beck. He's been my life for the past 2 years, and he's absolutely perfect. I love him. However, things just aren't the same. With most relationships, the beginning always feels like that fairy tale love. You think you're going to be together forever and that you couldn't love anyone more than you love each other. That's how I felt... until I met Cat Valentine.

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**_1 year & 6 months earlier_**

I had gotten accepted into Hollywood Arts and we had to do a summer show right before school started. This summer's show was _Les Misérables_. One of my all time favorites! It's french for 'The Miserables'. If you don't know me, I guess I should tell you that I love pain... well, causing pain anyways. This was the perfect show for me.

I really wanted the role of Eponine, a tough girl who is deeply in love with a boy named Marius. Eponine is one of my dream roles. I had to audition for the role though. After my audition, I felt confident that I would get a major role. However, this musical is double casted, which means that there is a red cast and a black cast and some of the parts will be shared between two people. We don't find out the parts until the first rehearsal though.

As I sat in my room, studying the lyrics to the musical, my phone began to vibrate. I looked on the screen and saw that it was my boyfriend, Beck. We'd been dating for almost 6 months now and I was completely in love with him.

"Hey babe!"

"Hey gorgeous! What are you doing?" Beck said.

"Just trying to learn all the lyrics for the summer show."

"Oh cool! I'm so excited for it!" Beck was also going to be in the show. He had gotten accepted into Hollywood Arts as well.

"Me too!" Beck was the only one who could bring out this side of me. Usually I'm just really annoyed with most of the people I talk to, but Beck makes me happy.

We talked for the rest of the night. In the morning, we would have our first rehearsal.

I jumped up at the sound of a loud beeping and slammed my hand on the snooze button. My mom walked in my room and pulled the covers off of me.

"Come on Jade, you have rehearsals today." I groaned, and got out of bed.

When I walked into the theatre where we'd be rehearsing, most of the people were talking and laughing in groups. Most of the students had already known one another. I felt alone, but then I saw Beck. I walked over and he embraced me. His arms are always so comforting.

"Alright everyone, settle down and take a seat!" Said Rocco, the guy in charge. Once everyone was seated, he began to talk again. "Welcome to Hollywood Arts summer production of _Les Misérables_!" Everyone clapped. "If you don't already know, _Les Misérables _is about a man named Jean Valjean who is released after spending 19 years in prison for stealing a loaf of bread. Then, a Bishop helps him get on track and Valjean is able to find God and is motivated to be a good man. He eventually rises to become the Mayor of a town and a factory owner. But, he has also broken his parole and Javert, a policeman, is after him. Then, one of his workers Fantine, is about to die, and Valjean promises to take care of her daughter, Cosette. Valjean purchases Cosette from the money-grubbing Thenardiers, where she had been lodging. And 9 years later, Cosette has become a woman. Some students are trying to start a French Revloution to gain more freedom and Cosette falls in love with a student revolutionary, Marius. However, the Thenardier's daughter, Eponine is in love with Marius, but Marius loves Cosette. When the revolution starts, Eponine follows Marius to the battle and gets shot. After a battle, all the students die, except Marius who becomes unconscious in the sewer of Paris. Before Valjean dies, he manages to save Marius so that Marius and Cosette can be wed. It's all very confusing..."

He talked about all the rules and a bunch of other boring shit. Then, he got to the casting part and I paid close attention. I ignored all the other roles and listened for Eponine. "Eponine is..." I crossed my fingers. "Cat Valentine."

"WHAT?!" I yelled, not meaning to say out loud. All heads were turned to me, but then snapped away to smile at the girl who's name was 'Cat Valentine'. She had curly brown hair, and the biggest, most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I hated her. She looked like a stuck up bitch. What did she have that I didn't that caused her to get the role of Eponine? I know I sound like a fucking diva, but I really wanted and deserved that part.

It was time to rehearse the songs and I made sure to listen closely to Eponine's parts. Cat was good...

Ugh, this pissed me off! Beck told me that I needed to calm down. He thinks I'm over reacting and that it's 'just a part'. Well, it's not just a part... it's Eponine. However, after watching and listening to Cat... I began to wonder if I was so perfect for the part. The way Cat sang and expressed her feelings through every word that she sang... it was amazing. Damn it... I feel as if I'm not good enough anymore.

* * *

Everyday at rehearsals, my focus was on Cat. No matter how hard I tried to think about something else, I couldn't. But it wasn't because I was pissed at her for being Eponine... it was because of how good she was. I'm not the type of person to really look at other people's talents, but Cat's seem to explode from her. She seems too perfect to be true... it disgusts me.

"Sweetheart, you need to calm down. You're not fun to be around when you're all... moody." Said Beck.

"I'm sorry babe. She just... I don't know. It's really weird. I'm not sure if I should admire her for her talent, envy her for her talents, or hate her for her perfectness..." Shit, I wasn't even making sense. Why is she making me feel this way? No one has ever caused me to have all these conflicted feelings.

"Well, just stop thinking about her." I paused for a moment. And realized that, I can't seem to get Cat off my mind. It's like she's stuck...

"I can't..."

"Why not?" He said curiously.

"I don't fucking know." I sighed and went to the bathroom. When I entered the bathroom I walked over to a sink and looked in the mirror. I didn't know what the hell was going on or why thoughts about Cat were swirling in my head. Suddenly, one of the stall doors open. My heart almost leaped out of my chest, and I was confused as to why I was getting extremely nervous all of a sudden. The girl walked towards me, headed for the sink next to me. I wanted to say something to her so that I could hear her angelic voice respond to me. What the fuck? Ugh...

"Hi." She said bubbly. I was surprised to hear her talk to me first.

"Ummm... hi." I replied trying to hold myself together.

She didn't respond, but I wanted to keep the conversation going. "So, Cat, right?" I asked.

"That's me. What's your name?"

"I'm Jade." I smiled at her.

"Oh cool name! I'm really bad with names though, but I'll do my best with remembering it!" She smiled. She seems like such a bitch... but she's hot... UGH, why did I just say that? Well... it's true. She walked out.

Everyday was a constant war with my thoughts. I didn't understand what was going on. I could barely hear anything around me half the time because of how confusing my thoughts were getting. Why is Cat making me feel this way? Do I hate her, or like her? It's a stupid thing to be so conflicted about, yet, it's causing a riot in my mind!

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At dinner that night, my mom kept staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You've been acting so weird..." My mom said.

"I have? Oh, well, don't be worried! I'm fine..." I said, trying to cover how confused I've been.

"Well, I'm still worried." That was the last thing she said during dinner. I thought she was just going to let it go, but before I went to bed she grabbed my hand.

"Roll up your sleeves please."

"Umm... why?" I was confused.

"I just want to make sure you aren't cutting or something."

"Mom, I don't cut!"

"Just show me your wrists." I groaned but did what I was told. "Okay, thank goodness. But I'm still worried about you. After rehearsal tomorrow, I set up an appointment for you to go see Mrs. Parham."

"I don't need to see a therapist, I'm fine!"

"I can sense that your not..." I ignored her and went to my room. My mom is so overly worried about me and she's extremely Christian too, so she wants to make sure that I'm not 'sinning'. But I've always been pretty good! Besides my cussing, I don't think I've ever really done anything bad. Nothing is fucking wrong with me! At least... I'm pretty sure...

**A/N: Did you like it? The next chapters will be more interesting! :) xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2: The Terrible Sin

**A/N: Next chapter! Sorry it's kinda short! The next one will be longer!**

**Disclaimer: Victorious and Les Miserables are not mine.**

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**CHAPTER 2: The "Terrible" Sin**

I sat down on the dark brown chair in Mrs. Parham's room. She was sitting in front of me with a notepad and a pen. I still didn't understand why my mother made me come here. I'm fine.

"So how have you been feeling?" Mrs. Parham asked me.

"Fine." I stated.

"Jade, if we're going to get anywhere, I'm going to need you to answer honestly."

"I am answering honestly."

"Just relax, close your eyes, and tell me what pops into your mind and how that makes you feel." I closed my eyes and relaxed, but it was hard to relax because Cat was all that came into my head. I didn't want to tell Mrs. Parham what I was thinking about though.

"Okay, so I guess I'm just confused..." I said.

"About what?" I didn't answer for a long time. "Listen Jade, I only want to help you get through your confusion. I'm not going to judge you. I'm only here to guide you."

"Okay, it's just one of my castmates."

"What about them?"

"Well, I can't stop thinking about them."

"What thoughts do you have about them?"

"I don't really know."

"Okay... well is this an enemy, or a friend, or what?"

"I don't really know that either. I'm not sure if I hate her, or if I want to be friends with her or what."

"Well, just start with how she came into your life and what you've felt."

I told her about the role of Eponine and how I couldn't stop thinking about her.

"I don't really understand why this girl has started to take over your thoughts like this, but if it doesn't stop, I think it's very important for you to schedule another appointment." She seemed very urgent when she said this...

"Wait... why? Is there a problem?" I asked.

"Well... I think you may be lesbian..." Said Mrs. Parham. I didn't talk for a while after she said this.

"What should I do?" I needed to find a way to stop it. My mom would go crazy if she knew!

"Stay away from what ever is going to make you commit this terrible sin." I flinched when she said "Terrible sin". It's not like I'm trying to be gay...

After hearing what Mrs. Parham said, I couldn't stop thinking, that maybe I am gay. It scared me a little bit... but it also confused me even more. I didn't even really know Cat, how could I have feelings for her? And I have Beck...

Beck was driving me home from rehearsals today and taking me to his house. Maybe hanging out with my boyfriend would make things better. As we got to his house, he pulled me towards his bed and our lips connected. I tried to put as much passion as I could into the kiss, but I was starting to feel less and less towards him. I needed to be straight... my family would disown me... especially my mom.


	3. Chapter 3: Flirtatious

**A/N: Just to let you guys know, so that you aren't confused, this story takes place right before Jade's freshman year at Hollywood Arts, and before Cat dyes her hair red. Also, I edited the other chapters, so you may want to read some of the things I've changed!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or Les Miserables.**

**CHAPTER 3: Flirtatious**

The things that occurred between Beck and I last night almost confirmed that I am gay. We didn't go all the way, but I just know based on the fact that I didn't even want to go all the way with him.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't just tell Beck, he wouldn't understand. I wanted to get closer to Cat though. She's like a magnet, and draws my attention. So, the next day at rehearsals, I'm planning on talking to her. I'm not going to make it an awkward conversation like we had in the bathroom though.

At rehearsals, I practiced all my ensemble parts. I ended up in the ensemble! What the fuck? Well, there were still a few small parts that they hadn't casted yet, and I determined to get one!

"Hey" I said as I sat next to Cat. We were sitting in the house of the theatre that we'd been rehearsing at for the past week.

"Hi Jade." I smiled as she said my name.

"You remembered my name?"

"Haha, yeah." My smile grew bigger, but then it disappeared as quickly as it came. I can't give away my feelings. She could get creeped out and never talk to me again.

"So, are you excited to be going to Hollywood Arts?" I asked, trying to start a conversation.

"Yeah. I feel like it's where I belong, you know?"

"Yeah, I feel that way too. So, what did you get in for?"

"For musical theatre, and dance. What about you?"

"Oh cool. I didn't know you danced." Cat didn't look like the type to be a really good dancer. I have to admit, it really turned me on. "I got in for musical theatre, and vocal. Maybe we'll have a few classes together."

"That'd be cool." She smiled.

"So, do you know anyone here?" I asked.

"Yeah, I know quite a few people actually. The guy who's playing Javert, his name is Josh. He's my ex." I got tense when she said that he was her ex-boyfriend "And then, the girl over there..." She pointed to a tall girl with brown, frizzy hair. "...her name is Macy. Let's just say... she isn't too fond of me. And well, I know a lot more people. Haha, do you know anyone?"

"Well, I only know Beck. The guy over there." I pointed to my boyfriend.

"Oh, he's cute."

"Yeah... he's my boyfriend." I said defensively.

"Oh, cool. You have good taste." She said, and I blushed. Fuck, this was the straightest chick ever! There is no way in hell that she would ever be into me. But the conversation we had was going a lot better than I had expected. We had only known each other for a little while, and she already trusted me with a lot of things. She told me how Josh, her ex, has been avoiding her since they had broken up, and how Macy hates her because she dated Josh. It's a bunch of shitty drama, but I felt special because she was venting to me.

I can't help but to have this tiny spark of hope in me, that maybe I could make her love me. Just maybe. Ugh, I really do feel like Eponine now because that's what Eponine tries to do to Marius. She has that tiny spark of hope that Marius will love her back, but no, he loves Cosette.

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As the days went by, Cat and I got closer and closer and I keep feeling that she may like me. But then, I remember that she's straight.

The first week was over, and before we went home, they were going to announce the smaller parts. "Jessica, you'll be girl number 5 in the factory. Jade, you'll be a Lovely Lady and whore number 1." Great, so now I'm a whore. Oh well, it's better than nothing.

Cat started to become really close with this other guy named Robbie. Oh, how I hated him. It was obvious that he liked Cat. And Cat knew that he liked her. She told me that she didn't like him like that, but I still didn't like it. I had to hold it in though. I didn't want her to know that I was gay, at least, not yet. It could ruin everything. I feel like I'm making it too obvious though. The way I look at her is a dead give away. I just can't stop looking at her. She's the most beautiful girl that I've ever seen. Her large, dark brown eyes, and her tan skin. It's so perfect. And I love her brown wavy hair.

Yesterday was our last rehearsal in our small theatre. Now, we were moving to the large theatre that we would be performing in. It had 1,300 seats. When I stepped onto the huge stage, I was overwhelmed. It was amazing. Cat was so excited and it was adorable. She couldn't stop smiling! That's when I noticed the dimple in her left cheek. It was so cute...

We got to take a tour of the entire venue, and it was an amazing place to get to perform in. Now, it was time to be assigned to our dressing rooms. I crossed my fingers, hoping to be in the same dressing room as Cat.

"Okay... so in dressing room 224 is Sarah, Candace, Macy, Lexi, Hailey, Emily, Caroline, Julianne, Rachel and Cat." Our stage manager said. Shit... my name wasn't said... "That means, the other girls will be in dressing room 223." Well, at least I'm in the dressing room right next to Cat's.

I was sharing a dressing room with Ava, Grace, Kaitlyn, Samantha, Lindsay, Megan, Makenna, Jessica, Emory, and Maddie. I didn't really know most of them that well, but I had a feeling most of them would get on my nerves.

We spent a few hours in our dressing rooms getting to know one another. A few of the girls were pretty chill, like Samantha, Maddie, and Ava. The rest of them annoyed the shit out of me! It was going to be a hell of a week, but I wasn't the only one annoyed with the other girls. Even Maddie wanted to be in the other dressing room.

I was glad I could still talk to Cat during rehearsal though.

"So do you like your dressing room?" I asked Cat.

"Yeah, it's pretty chill. Haha, do you like yours?"

"Ugh, not really. Most of the girls are kind of annoying."

"Well, you could come hang out in our dressing room sometimes." I smiled when she said that.

"Thanks."

"Hey guys! We have some unfortunate news, Tess had to go to Florida." Tess was in charge of us backstage, so she was the one that kept us under control and told us when we couldn't talk and things like that. But Tess was really nice. "So Trina will be taking over for Tess." Trina walked forward and I could already tell she was going to be a bitch.

* * *

It was Wednesday and we had a really late rehearsal. I was exhausted. Cat was sitting next to me, and we were talking. We were talking about how Macy kept talking behind her back. Then, I felt a hand on my head. "Stop talking." It was Trina. She's been pissing everyone off. If she even see's your mouth moving, she'll come over and tell you to shut up. But the thing that REALLY pisses me off, is that she keeps flirting with Beck. Trina is only a year older than all of us, but it still makes me mad that she can do what ever she wants, and we have to listen to her.

Once Trina was out of sight, Cat and I started talking again. "Ugh, I hate her. Don't you?"

"I don't really hate anyone." Cat said innocently.

"Really? Not even Macy? Or Josh?" I asked.

"No. I mean, I try to get along with Macy. It's just some of her decisions that I don't like, and some of the things she says. Other than that, I don't have a problem with her. And with Josh, of course I don't hate him. I just don't really like the way he's avoiding me." I wasn't quite sure if I believed that she didn't hate Macy, but I don't think Cat would lie to me, so I went with it.

"So... do you still like Josh?" I asked, hoping she'd say no.

"Yes..." Damn it. "...But not like that. I mean, I still care about him. But I don't like him in a way that I would get back with him."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." I was happy that she didn't still have feelings for him. It made my spark of hope glow brighter. Although, the hope is still dim because, Cat is straight.

I went home that night, happy with how my day went. Just being around Cat makes me really happy. Beck used to be able to do that, but now, I realize that I just wanted him around because he was my only friend. I understand the difference between a crush, and friendship now.

I needed to talk to someone about this. I called Beck as soon as I got home and told him that I may be gay.

"Jade... you're not gay! You're dating me... we're in love! Right?" I paused when he said this. I don't want to lose him. Maybe I should just forget about it and stay with Beck.

"Maybe you're right..."

* * *

My mom was extremely quiet during dinner. She looked like she wanted to say something, but it didn't come out.

"Mom?" Her head snapped up to look at me. "Are you okay?" She was looking at me differently, like she was disgusted.

"I'm fine. However you are not. Jade, are you gay?" I froze as she said this. I couldn't tell her the truth. She wouldn't understand, but if I lie, I would've just sinned again. She'd be pissed. "Jade, answer me." How the hell did she even know in the first place?

"I... I don't know." I answered honestly. I wasn't sure what was going on with my feelings right now.

"We need to pray about this Jade." My mom was really concerned.

Lately, I've been spending more and more time away from my mom. When I'm around her, it's just really awkward. I wish I could've hidden it from her until I was positive about everything. She doesn't understand though. She thinks I'm choosing this... but I'm not! I can't help that I may be gay. It's not like I want to be...

**A/N: I hope this chapter was okay! Tell me what you think! And if it's too confusing, let me know. Sorry if there are any errors, I haven't had time to correct everything! Review! xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4: Dress Rehearsals

**A/N: Hey guys! Thank you for the reviews. They have been really helpful! I hope you all are enjoying the story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or Les Miserables.**

**CHAPTER 4: Dress Rehearsals**

I watched Cat as she sang "On My Own" for the first time in this theatre. I must have really been focused on her because Beck came over and snapped me out of it.

"Hey baby!" He grabbed me and brought my lips to his. It was a very rough kiss.

"What the hell Beck?" I said as I pushed him away.

"What? I was just kissing you?" He said innocently.

Beck has been really clingy lately. I think he's trying to make sure that I'm not gay, but it's making everything worse. I can't even hang out with Cat anymore because he's always around me! He's also pissing people off in my dressing room because he follows me in there and no one can get dressed. A few of the girls even complained.

During lunch, Rocco, the guy in charge, came in. "No boys in girls dressing rooms, no girls in boys dressing rooms. End of story." I was kind of happy that Rocco said that. Now I can finally get away from Beck for a little while.

I walked into Cat's dressing room. The people in mine were annoying the shit out of me. When I walked in, everyone in there was really welcoming. I was expecting them to be bothered with me walking in there. I sat next to Cat and we started talking. It was mostly about random things, like the olympics and some new tv show that she was obsessed with. I love talking to her though, no matter what it's about. I can't even begin to describe how I feel when I'm around her, but I know I feel more than just a friendship. It may even be more than a crush.

Days went by, and we were getting closer and closer to opening night. Today, we were having a dress rehearsal. This is the first time we'd actually be able to run through the entire show without the director trying to fix something.

So far, the dress rehearsal was going really well. Until the wedding scene. I was supposed to be in the wedding scene, but I hadn't gotten fitted for a dress... so I couldn't be in it. I was actually pretty pissed about it... the wedding scene is a really fun scene. Oh well... now I have to find something else to do backstage.

I sat in the green-room, which is the place where we hang out and eat, and watched the screen that showed the stage. The next scene was the epilogue, which everyone is in, so I'd have to go on after the wedding scene. I guess that's a benefit, I don't have to worry about a costume change between the wedding and the epilogue. Just as I was about to get in place for the epilogue, Cat came running towards me.

"Jade! Could you please help me change out of my wedding costume!" Cat was holding my arm as she said this. I had forgotten that Cat wasn't Eponine until the epilogue because she dies. They needed more dancers for the wedding though, and Cat was the one who could dance.

"Sure!" I said and followed her into the nearest dressing room.

Cat's wedding costume consisted of an orange, green, and purple corset, an orange skirt, a hoop skirt underneath, and a butt pad. I quickly unlaced the corset and she took it off as I unclipped her skirt. We were in too much of a rush for me to actually enjoy this. Once she was undressed, I had to help her get into her other costume. Her other costume was a white gown, because she was Eponine's ghost in the epilogue. She looked beautiful in it though.

Once she was all ready to go, we realized that she was actually really early for the scene, which means that we didn't have to rush.

"Thank you so much Jade! Do you think you could help me every time?" She asked.

"Yeah, sure." I'm really glad that I'm not in the wedding scene now!

After the dress rehearsal, the director took an hour to give all the notes he took. I felt like the rehearsal went really well, but I guess there were a bunch of errors. Sometime's it's really hard for me to focus in scenes... I just keep thinking about Cat. It's really messing up my acting...

"Jade... you need more expression on stage. You look lost sometimes. And people who are moving the barricade need to be more quiet. You sound like elephants during transitions." The director said as he was reading off of his notes. Shit, I guess Cat really is distracting me. I need to focus!

The entire week we did at least 2 dress rehearsals a day, and then had an hour of notes in the green-room. Most of the notes were to Trina. Trina was in charge of the turn table, which is a large, circular part of the stage that rotates. We use it to bring things into a scene and to take things out. It also adds a really neat visual to the show. Like during one of the battle scenes, we have a giant barricade made of old furniture on the turn table and it rotates to show all the dead soldiers. Anyways, Trina is supposed to rotate it when it needs to be rotated. She has the remote control that controls it's movement, and is supposed to push certain buttons at her cues, but she keeps 'forgetting' to push them. I find her 'forgetting' to push the buttons to be bull shit. It's more like she's not paying attention. She pisses me off...

* * *

Tomorrow is opening night, and the director has been working us extra hard. We've been staying at the theatre really late and done a lot of rehearsals with the orchestra. It sounds like a lot of hard work, but it's actually been really fun! The only thing that's really hard, is my quick change for the 'Lovely Ladies' scene. I have a feeling it's going to be a great show.

**A/N: I know this story is kind of starting off a little slow, but I promise it will get more exciting. I just have to get this stuff in because it's important for the rest of the story. But I hope you all like it! I love reviews :) XOXO**


	5. Chapter 5: Opening Night

**A/N: Hey guys! I think this is my longest chapter... Let me know what you think! XOXO**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or Les Miserables.**

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**CHAPTER 5: Opening Night**

We had 90 minute call time, which meant 90 minutes until places. I was a little nervous, but that's normal. Maddie and I had gotten really close, so I talked with her while I was in my dressing room getting ready for the show.

"So, you're dating Beck right?" Maddie asked me.

"What? Oh! Yeah..." I had completely forgotten about Beck! I hadn't been around him very much during the rehearsals.

"Haha, you don't seem so sure..." I panicked. What would people think of me if they knew that I liked Cat? Maddie is really understanding though. She doesn't seem like she'd judge me.

"Well... I'm not. I mean, we are dating, but..."

"But what?" Maddie seemed confused. I think I should just tell her. I need to get it off my chest, and it'd be nice to have someone to talk to about it.

"I... like someone else."

"Who?" I stayed silent. I was nervous and the palms of my hands started to sweat. What if she tells Cat? She wouldn't do that though. "Jade, are you okay?"

"No. I don't know what the fuck has been wrong with me!" Maddie looked frightened. The other girls in the dressing room started to stare at us, but I glared at them and they looked away. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap like that."

"It's okay." She said as she hugged me. "Just relax. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Maddie was such a nice person. I really do feel like I can trust her.

"No, I do want to talk about it. I need to get it off my chest."

"Okay, well, I'm all ears." I looked around and realized that this might not be the best place to talk about this. I pulled her out into the hallway. Everyone else was in the dressing rooms getting ready, so no one was out there.

"Okay... well... it's a really weird person, and you might be disgusted and never talk to me again..." I said, warning her.

"Oh my gosh... Is it Singin? Because he likes you..." Singin was this weird tech guy. He worked with a lot of the sound and lighting for the production.

"Hell no! And eww..."

"Haha okay good. It can't be worse than that."

"Actually it can..." I said. "I like... Cat." I mumbled.

"What?" She didn't quite hear me.

"I'm not repeating it." I said sternly.

"Please! You made it sound like you said Cat!"

"That's because I did..." I looked at Maddie to see her reaction.

"Oh, that's not a weird person! She's really pretty, I mean, I don't like her like that though. You're still Jade, it doesn't make a difference to me!" She said as she hugged me.

A wave of relief went through my body. I wish my mom and Beck could be this understanding.

* * *

"Congratulations everyone! We have a good show on our hands. Opening night is tomorrow! Get some rest, and be ready for our last rehearsal tomorrow, and then we have 11 shows!" The director said when rehearsals were over.

As I went to the dressing room to get my stuff, Maddie came up to me.

"So, have you made a move on her yet?"

"Who?" I played dumb.

"You know who."

"No. She probably already left." I hope she left anyways... I don't know how to "make a move" on her.

"She always stays in her dressing room for a few minutes. Go ask for her number."

"What? I can't..." I didn't know how to get Cat's number...

"Yes you can. You're Jade West. Just go in there and ask for her number. It's not that hard..." Maddie was right.

I walked into Cat's dressing room, and sure enough, she was in there. Maddie was right behind me to make sure I did it. I walked over to Cat and sat in the seat next to her.

"Hey Jade!" Cat greeted me.

"Hey Cat, you are doing really well as Eponine." I complimented her.

"Awww, thanks!" She blushed.

"It's gone by really fast. We only have a week left of the show." I said, starting a conversation.

"Yeah, it really has. I'm going to miss it when it's all over."

"Me too. We should stay in touch during the rest of the summer."

"Yeah! Umm... here, let me give you my number." She said reaching for my phone in my hand. Wow, I didn't even have to ask for her number! Maddie smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up. She had been listening in on the conversation. I watched her as she typed her information into my phone. When she was done, she put it in my pocket, and then walked out of the dressing room. I sat in the seat, stunned. Maddie started to wave her hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention.

"Whoa..." I said as I finally snapped out of it.

"What?" Maddie asked.

"She... uh... Cat, put my phone in my pocket..." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at Cat's contact. I smiled when I saw the smiley face she put next to her name.

"Haha nice! See, you're getting somewhere with her now."

* * *

When I got home, my mom was in the kitchen waiting for me. I walked over to her when she motioned in my direction.

"Jade, we need to talk." She said sternly. "I don't think you should go to that performing arts school."

"What?" I yelled "Why?"

"Because. Ever since you started doing theatre and stuff, you've been acting different. I think it's causing you to be... lesbian." She said as if she were disgusted by the word.

"What? No it's not! Why do you think that?"

"I heard you on the phone with Beck. It's fine if you don't like that boy, but that doesn't mean you're gay! There are plenty of fine men out there. Go find one! Most boys in theatre are gay! And I think it's causing you to be gay as well! Do you want to be gay Jade?"

"No mom! But I love theatre!"

"No, you love girls. And I can't have that in my family. Get out."

"What?" I heard what she said, I just couldn't believe it.

"Get Out! Now!" I ran out the door.

What was I going to do? I pulled my phone out, and looked through my contacts. I found Cat's and hit the call button. She answered within three rings.

"Hello?"

"Cat! Umm... is it okay if I come over?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure." She sounded confused as she said this. Then, she told me her address, and gave me directions. Luckily, she didn't live to far away, so I was able to walk to her house in about 20 minutes.

When I got to the door, Cat opened it before I could ring the door bell. She hugged me and asked if I was okay.

"Yeah... Umm.. I'm fine." I lied. I couldn't tell her that my mom kicked me out because I was gay.

She looked into my eyes for a long time. "No you're not. You can tell me anything."

"My mom and I just aren't getting along. It's not a big deal."

"Okay. Well, if you want to talk about it, I'm here." She put her hand on my shoulder and I almost melted. "Well, you can stay here for the night." She smiled at me and led me to her room.

Her room was bright pink, and was filled with stuffed animals. It smelt like vanilla and strawberries, just like Cat. She gave me some shorts and a pink tank top to sleep in. I couldn't thank Cat enough for this. Beck never would've done this for me. I mean, he might've, but only if I let him have sex with me. Cat laid on her bed, and I grabbed a pillow and a blanket and put it on the floor.

"Jade?"

"Yeah?" I responded.

"What are you doing?" She giggled.

"Uhhh..."

"You can sleep up here with me silly!" I smiled when she said this, but I also got really nervous. I'm not sure if I'd be able to control myself if I was sharing a bed with her. Her lips were so pink and perfect, and I really wanted to feel them! But I couldn't, there's no way that I'm risking this friendship. I'd rather have her has a friend, then not to have her at all.

* * *

I woke up in an empty, pink bed. Suddenly, I heard something in the bathroom. I knocked on the door, and heard a familiar voice. It was just Cat. Holy shit! Opening night is tonight! Cat opened the bathroom door and walked out.

"Are you ready for tonight?" Cat asked excitedly.

"Hell yeah!" I smiled at her.

Cat's mom drove us to the theatre after we ate breakfast. We had one more dress rehearsal before the actual show, and I was starting to get nervous. I wondered if Cat was nervous, she was Eponine after all. I'm sure she'd be amazing though. A girl with that much talent shouldn't be nervous about anything.

The rehearsal went decent, but it wasn't perfect. This made me even more nervous for the show. I sat next to Maddie during dinner break and told her everything that happened yesterday. She was happy about everything that happened with Cat, but what my mom did made her pissed.

As we got ready for the show, Maddie and I decided to go in the other dressing room. They were blasting music in there.

"Hmmm... what Katy Perry song should we play?" Sarah asked everyone.

"Ur so gay!" I said.

"What song is that?" Cat asked.

"Just listen" Said Sarah.

After the song was over, Cat started laughing.

"This song is totally about Josh." Cat said.

"What? No, Josh is definitely straight. He doesn't even act gay." Sarah said defensively.

Cat pulled me aside. "Do you know any straight guy that doesn't know how to finger a girl?" I shook my head. "Well, Josh doesn't know how to finger a girl."

"How would you know this?" I asked.

"Well, he started spreading around that he fingered me, and it never even happened. And he kept asking me 'how it was'."

"What actually happened?"

"He just felt me up, but we never really went all the way." I didn't like the image of Josh feeling her up...

* * *

When I was done getting ready, the cast was called into the greenroom. The stage manager and director just wanted to say 'break a leg' before the show. We all hugged each other and got into places for the top of the show.

Once the show started, everything went by so fast! The show was going really well though. I could tell the audience was really enjoying the show. Before I knew it it was time for the epilogue! I followed Cat into the dressing room to help her with her costume change.

"Do you want me to do you?" I meant undo her skirt, but it came out sounding really wrong! Cat started to giggle and it was adorable.

"Haha, yeah. Do me!" She understood what I meant.

"At least I know how to..." I said referring to the conversation we had earlier about Josh not knowing how to finger a girl. Cat started laughing so hard, and it was one of the most amazing things I had ever heard. Her laugh is so fucking cute...

I stood behind a white curtain with the rest of the ensemble. Then, the curtain started to rise and we sang the end of the epilogue.

"_Will you join in our crusade, who will be strong and stand with me. Somewhere beyond the barricade is there a world you long to see. Do you hear the people sing? Say do you hear the distant drums, it is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes. Ahhhhhh, Ahhhhh, Tomorrow... Comes!"_ We all sang together.

We then took our bows and headed out to the lobby for a meet and greet. Today had been a really great day. We had 10 performances left, and then I'd be going to my dream high school with the most beautiful girl in the world. That is, if my mom wasn't going to interfere with my future.


	6. Chapter 6: Things Have Changed

**Disclaimer : I do not own Victorious**

**A/N : Hello there everyone! I hope everyone's doing good. I just got back from school and decided to write the next chapter! So... here it is! Enjoy! xoxo**

**CHAPTER 6 : Things Have Changed.**

_1 year & 6 months later._

It's been forever since that summer when I did Les Miserables. My mom took me out of Hollywood Arts before I could even begin the first school year. I've been attending Northridge High for the past 2 years and I hate it. My mom takes me to a counselor once a month, still trying to make sure I'm not gay. I've changed. I'm a bitch all the time, and I hate everything. But I'm still gay. There's nothing making me happy anymore. Beck is still there for me, but he doesn't necessarily make me "happy". I guess I'm just still with him because he's someone to vent to. I fucking hate my life so fucking much. I'm tempted to go live with my dad instead.

My mood isn't the only thing that's changed. My appearance has too. I got pink and blue highlights in my hair and my eyebrow is pierced. I wear a lot of black and keep scissors with me. I'm not going to hurt anyone with them, it just keeps people away from me.

My mom and dad got a divorce when I was 12 years old. Since then, my mom has become more christian and enforces it on me. My dad just wants the best for me though. If I'm happy, he's happy. My mom never lets me talk to him though.

My mom called me into the kitchen to talk. "Jade, I've just been doing what's best for you. And I think it's been working! I'm going to let you try going to Hollywood Arts this year." I smiled as she said this. My mom really does care about me, that's why she'd trying to make me perfect. However, even though I'm gay, there's nothing wrong with me. Oh well, I was just excited to go to Hollywood Arts.

* * *

I walked into my first class, which was improv, and some weird guy who wasn't wearing shoes jumped in the window. I soon learned that he was the teacher. His name was Sikowitz. I sat in the back where Beck was. I was glad that I at least knew one person. Although, being at this school didn't make my life much better. My life is still fucked up.

"Welcome class. We shall start with a scene! Cat, pick a partner." Sikowitz said.

"Okay! Ummmmm...!" Cat stood up and I looked at her face, realizing who it was. It was Cat... Cat Valentine. Her hair was bright red and she looked completely different, but still absolutely stunning. My jaw dropped and I felt Beck's eyes staring at me. "Are you okay Jade?" Beck asked.

"Yeah." I replied softly.

"I pick..." She scanned the room. I hid so she wouldn't see me. She my think of me differently now that I look different and act different. I'm a bitch now... how could she like me? "Jade?" She wasn't picking me, she was staring at me in shock and saying my name to clarify that it was me. However, Sikowitz thought she picked me.

"Alright! New kid, get on stage!" He yelled enthusiastically.

"It's Jade." I said sternly as I walked awkwardly to the front of the classroom where Cat was still staring at me in shock.

"Whatever. Okay, you guys are drunk friends at a bar. GO!" Sikowitz yelled. I was confused, I had never done this before. Cat snapped out of her shocked stage and grabbed my shoulder and started laughing. "Oh, Jade. You are so funny." She started stumbling. My acting skills were good enough, that I could easily jump in.

"Haha! No you are silly." I said laughing my ass off. Cat grabbed my hand and started dancing with me. She kept twirling, but then fell on the ground bringing me down with her. I fell on top of her. Our lips were about an inch apart. There was a brief moment where we both broke characeter and got lost in each other's eyes, but then Cat started to giggle. She rolled over so that she was on top and smashed her lips against mine. When our lips separated, we both laughed.

"Okay. I've seen enough. You guys suck at being drunk." Said Sikowitz.

"Well what do you expect? We haven't actually been drunk. We're underaged." Some fluffy haired boy with a puppet said.

"Oh. Fine. Take your seats!" Cat and I walked back to our seats and I touched my lips nervously. _She kissed me. _ I thought. _But it was only acting._


End file.
